I was just going through my inbox and saw some emails I've been keeping since way back 2003. I chanced upon this one forwarded by a dear friend and I would like to share it with you.
On Relationships
by CD Garcia
Someone I cared about said to me that maybe he just can't handle relationships. And those words broke my heart. It's like hearing someone say he'll be an emotional cripple for the rest of his life because sustaining any kind of relationships be it as a friend or a lover is what makes us human. I don't believe there's "handling" a relationship as much as "building" one, do you? And then I came across these... really good reminders if we want our relationships to stay and for keeps.
God bless everyone!
1. Don't think in terms of forever. Think of now, and forever will take care of itself. Recognize that all relationships cannot be forever. Recognize their temporary quality, but continue to act as if they are permanent.
2. Expect to invest a great deal of time and energy in your relationships. Lasting relationships don't just happen, they are created.
3. Respect the other person's relationships apart from you. If they are important to the one you care about, they should be important to you.
4. Never idealize others. They will never live up to your expectations.
5. Don't be afraid of giving. You can never give too much, if you're giving willingly.
6. Never force anyone to do anything for you "in the name of love." Love is not to be bargained for.
7. Don't allow experience to harden your heart; rather use it to become more aware and sensitive.
8. Don't lose touch with the craziness in you. This, with a large dose of caring, will assure that your relationship will never be boring.
9. Don't brood. Get on with living and loving. You don't have forever.
10. Always start a relationship by asking: Do I have ulterior motives for wanting to relate to this person? Is my caring conditional? Am I trying to escape something? Am I planning to change the person? Do I need this person to help me make up for a deficiency in myself? If your answer to any of these questions is "Yes", leave the person alone. He or she is better off without you.
11. Keep the child in you alive and playing.
12. Divorce, fighting, arguing will never solve your problems; better to try understanding, warmth and flexibility.
13. Stop going through life in self-pity, self-blame and "mea culpa" syndrome. We are not as bad as we think.
14. Write down all the reasons why you love each person you relate with. Then, when the going gets tough, take the list out and reread it. It resolves problems quickly.
15. Don't be afraid of disagreements and arguments, the only people who don't argue are people who don't care or are dead. In fact, don't have short arguments. Make certain they are thoroughly over and done with. After an argument is over, forget it.
16. Watch out for little irritations, they grow into destructive monsters. Verbalize them at once.
17. Let go of pride. It is usually false, creates barriers and prevents closeness.
18. Acknowledge the humanness of the other.
19. Exercise feelings. Feelings have meaning only as they are expressed in action.
20. Be compassionate. It is the sure way to understanding and acceptance.
21. See all criticism as positive for it leads to self-evaluation. You are always free to reject it if it is unfair or does not apply.
22. Expect what is reasonable, NOT what is perfect.
23. Stop playing games. A growing relationship can only be nurtured by GENUINENESS.
24. Even though you are only half of a relationship, you must remain a whole person, apart from the relationship.
25. Remember that moral and spiritual values don't restrict, they PROTECT.
26. What you learn about yourself will infinitely help in trying to understand others.
27. See problems as small MIRACLES which can bring about KNOWLEDGE AND CHANGE.
28. Don't allow your relationships to die of NEGLECT.
SOMEONE SAID: "Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. It should inspire you and give you joy and strength. But sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end."
"May you always have smiles in your photographs and laughter in your heart".
On Relationships
by CD Garcia
Someone I cared about said to me that maybe he just can't handle relationships. And those words broke my heart. It's like hearing someone say he'll be an emotional cripple for the rest of his life because sustaining any kind of relationships be it as a friend or a lover is what makes us human. I don't believe there's "handling" a relationship as much as "building" one, do you? And then I came across these... really good reminders if we want our relationships to stay and for keeps.
God bless everyone!
1. Don't think in terms of forever. Think of now, and forever will take care of itself. Recognize that all relationships cannot be forever. Recognize their temporary quality, but continue to act as if they are permanent.
2. Expect to invest a great deal of time and energy in your relationships. Lasting relationships don't just happen, they are created.
3. Respect the other person's relationships apart from you. If they are important to the one you care about, they should be important to you.
4. Never idealize others. They will never live up to your expectations.
5. Don't be afraid of giving. You can never give too much, if you're giving willingly.
6. Never force anyone to do anything for you "in the name of love." Love is not to be bargained for.
7. Don't allow experience to harden your heart; rather use it to become more aware and sensitive.
8. Don't lose touch with the craziness in you. This, with a large dose of caring, will assure that your relationship will never be boring.
9. Don't brood. Get on with living and loving. You don't have forever.
10. Always start a relationship by asking: Do I have ulterior motives for wanting to relate to this person? Is my caring conditional? Am I trying to escape something? Am I planning to change the person? Do I need this person to help me make up for a deficiency in myself? If your answer to any of these questions is "Yes", leave the person alone. He or she is better off without you.
11. Keep the child in you alive and playing.
12. Divorce, fighting, arguing will never solve your problems; better to try understanding, warmth and flexibility.
13. Stop going through life in self-pity, self-blame and "mea culpa" syndrome. We are not as bad as we think.
14. Write down all the reasons why you love each person you relate with. Then, when the going gets tough, take the list out and reread it. It resolves problems quickly.
15. Don't be afraid of disagreements and arguments, the only people who don't argue are people who don't care or are dead. In fact, don't have short arguments. Make certain they are thoroughly over and done with. After an argument is over, forget it.
16. Watch out for little irritations, they grow into destructive monsters. Verbalize them at once.
17. Let go of pride. It is usually false, creates barriers and prevents closeness.
18. Acknowledge the humanness of the other.
19. Exercise feelings. Feelings have meaning only as they are expressed in action.
20. Be compassionate. It is the sure way to understanding and acceptance.
21. See all criticism as positive for it leads to self-evaluation. You are always free to reject it if it is unfair or does not apply.
22. Expect what is reasonable, NOT what is perfect.
23. Stop playing games. A growing relationship can only be nurtured by GENUINENESS.
24. Even though you are only half of a relationship, you must remain a whole person, apart from the relationship.
25. Remember that moral and spiritual values don't restrict, they PROTECT.
26. What you learn about yourself will infinitely help in trying to understand others.
27. See problems as small MIRACLES which can bring about KNOWLEDGE AND CHANGE.
28. Don't allow your relationships to die of NEGLECT.
SOMEONE SAID: "Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. It should inspire you and give you joy and strength. But sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end."
"May you always have smiles in your photographs and laughter in your heart".
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